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Rutgers Learning Centers
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Rutgers Learning Centers
Tips for Parents So, you're the parent of a first-year student . . . The first year of your son's or daughter's adventure into higher education will be the most difficult—for both of you! Your student will be adjusting to many changes and so will you. There will be times when you will wonder where the child you sent off to college went. In many ways, that child will not return, but because of the love, understanding, openness, and support you have provided, an intelligent and caring adult will take that child's place. In the meantime, watch and wait, worry but accept, and above all, give your love unconditionally and the rewards will be great for you and your first-year student. The Rutgers Learning Centers offer workshops in reading strategies, note taking, time management, and test preparation to help ease the transition to college. Like any new venture, the first few steps are the hardest. Use these tips to ease the transition.
I Hate This Place! Scenario: One afternoon, the phone rings. You answer and the familiar voice on the other end says, "I hate this place—nothing is going right! My roommate is a jerk! They give us too much work! I don't have time to breathe!" Tip: Take a deep breath and say, "Hello. It's so nice to hear your voice." Remember, you are, perhaps not for the first time, the sympathetic punching bag for your son's frustrations. Don't dismiss his feelings, but don't get drawn into the hysteria of the moment. Much of what you are hearing is pure, unadulterated fear and/or frustration. The best you can do is let your son know you understand and are concerned about the difficulties he is experiencing. Although you may desperately want to make everything all right, often the only thing a parent can do is listen and be available. Students can learn how to better manage their time by working with an academic coach at any of the Rutgers Learning Centers. Top I Got Stupid Overnight Scenario: Your first-year student finds that the study strategies that served her well in high school don't seem to be working in college. Students sometimes need help understanding difficult course and often benefit from developing effective learning strategies. Tip: If your daughter complains that she "got stupid overnight," suggest that she call or visit the nearest Rutgers Learning Center. At the learning centers, students receive personal one-to-one academic coaching to help them discover why old strategies aren't working, and, after taking a learning style inventory to determine their mode of learning, are given additional strategies to capitalize on their learning strengths. Learning centers offer tutoring and study groups (in the centers and online), televised review sessions, computerized course enhancement programs, and course-specific instruction groups. All of these services are free! Top I Just Need to Get It Together Scenario: Your favorite first-year student says, "If I just study harder, I'll do better," or "I just need to get it together and I'll be okay." Tip: You can help your son understand that seeking help is not a sign of failure; it's a sign of maturity. Learning to seek help as work becomes more demanding is part of the growing/learning process, and each student must arrive at that point in his or her own time. While the general student population may sometimes be resistant to accepting help, students with learning disabilities (LD) and attention deficit disorders (ADD) are often even more reluctant to seek assistance. Because first-year students are considered adults, in order to get accommodations, students with disabilities must advocate for themselves. For students who have had little, if any, experience with self-advocacy, this may be extremely uncomfortable and it may seem easier to try to get along without help. Often, by the time they get to college, students with LD and ADD are just plain tired of feeling different and want to be treated like everybody else. Learning disabilities and attention deficit disorders are not outgrown. If college can be difficult for the average student, it can weigh even more heavily on students with LD and ADD. Students with LD and ADD are strongly encouraged to take a reduced course load of 12 credits (rather than 15 credits) per semester—at least for the first year. If an alternative approach to learning/demonstration of learning was needed in high school, it will most likely be needed in college. Research shows that far too many students with LD and ADD fail out or leave college, not because they aren't qualified or able to achieve, but because they failed to get the appropriate academic support and accommodations they needed. A student with any disability should talk to the coordinator for students with disabilities on his or her campus by contacting the Office of Disability Support Services. Top I'll Come Home This Weekend . . . Scenario: As early as the first week away, your daughter hints about transferring closer to home. She just wants to visit "for your sake" or suggests coming home on the weekend to help you. Tip: Try suggesting a visit to campus. "We'd really like to see you. What if we come there? We'd love to meet your roommate." Family visits are an important part of the first-year experience. However, surprise visits are not advisable. Wait for a prearranged time so students have a chance to clean their living space and prepare for your visit. Letters from home, a subscription to the home paper, and care packages of food (especially during exams) are great ways to help students feel in touch while they learn to live away. Even the most independent student can experience homesickness. However, when students go home too often, they are less likely to make friends or take part in college activities. Lack of involvement makes the adjustment to college more difficult, and studies indicate students who don't get involved tend to be less successful in college. While it is normal for students to experience some homesickness, if the calls and pleas don't taper off, you may want to suggest that your son or daughter contact someone from residence life. Top I Won't Graduate in Four Years Scenario: You're worried because your son hasn't picked a major by, at least, the end of the first semester. Tip: At many institutions, students don't have to declare a major until the end of their fourth semester in college. Even so, once declared, a major isn't carved in stone and may be changed at any time. It is important to realize that many students change their major as many as two or three times before they graduate. It is not a disgrace to change one's major. In fact, it is a very normal part of the college experience. College is a time for discovery, and being exposed to so many choices and ideas can be overwhelming and lead to confusion. There are numerous resources at the university to help students decide on a major, such as advisers, career services, professors, and special interests groups and clubs. You may be surprised to find that your son may even ask you for advice. More and more often, students take five years to graduate. Common reasons include: taking a reduced course load for a semester or two to ease the adjustment to college; losing credits after changing majors or institutions once or twice; and taking a reduced course load to accommodate a full- or part-time job to help pay for college. If your son finds himself in a situation where he is unable to complete his degree program in four years, don't be overly alarmed; the second-year senior is no longer rare. It's important for your son to know that you are supportive and do not consider him a failure because he will not graduate in four years. Your son or daughter can't decide on a major? Career Services offers assessment tools to help students match their skills and interests with majors and career options. Top I've Decided to Leave College Scenario: Your daughter informs you she's had it with college. Tip: Leaving school does not mean the student will never return and earn a degree. While leaving school is not right for everyone, it does merit serious consideration in some circumstances. However, it's best to complete a full year of study before leaving or transferring to another institution. A transfer is easier after a student has completed a full year of study; a full year allows students to solidify their feelings, to identify the elements of satisfaction and dissatisfaction, and to better examine other college environments or job opportunities. If your daughter is assured of your support in transferring or taking time off after completing an academic year, she may feel less stress and be able to view her present situation more objectively. If, at the conclusion of the academic year, your daughter still wants to transfer or leave school for a time or even permanently, try to make the decision together. While deciding to leave college requires courage, for many students a full-time job can provide an important life experience and an opportunity to mature that will result in a successful return to college later on. If a particular course is the problem, students have the option of withdrawing from the course or requesting a temporary grade. Temporary grades are issued at the discretion of the instructor; the student must then complete all required work within a predetermined period of time. Because university students are adults, parents are not notified when students are failing, placed on probation, or dismissed from the university. All correspondence from the institution to students is sent directly to the students. Unless your daughter opts to inform you about how she is doing in school, you will not know her academic status. It's important to keep lines of communication open and to be supportive in times of trouble. Rutgers Learning Centers and academic advisers are available to help students when a particular course becomes a problem. Top Hang in there! The best is yet to come! |
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